Boundaries

by Ana Mepham

Recently I have found the word “Boundaries” has been coming up a lot in conversation. I feel this conversation can be endless as we are always learning new boundaries and forgetting old boundaries.
 
BOUNDARY; A line which makes the limits of an area; a dividing.
 
Boundaries can be described as how emotionally close you let people get to you. They are also where you draw the line within a relationship. They say how you are willing to give or take before requiring that things change or deciding to call it quits.
 
How do I identify personal boundaries?
 

• Name your limits
• Tune into my feelings
• Be direct
• Give  yourself permission
• Practice self awareness
• Consider your past and present
• Self care is a priority
• Seek support

 
 

• Naming your limits is always a good indication to know where you stand. You know yourself when limits are being pushed. There is nothing wrong with having your own limits.

 

• Tuning into me feelings is something I have found has taken some time to hone in on, I am still very much so learning how to navigate my feelings and understand them. Yet I find it so important to take moments to tune into my emotions, let them be what they are and then release them. To feel less ashamed for feeling them or feel like I am over reacting. Perhaps I am, but let me and then ill come round eventually and learn from it. How else do we learn otherwise.

 

• Being direct is so much more difficult for me personally as I struggle to say it out how it is. I find what many of us do is stay quiet until we can no longer hold it in and when is comes out it is not in a rational way. Step 1 and 2 are how I cope and manage that a outburst does not happen. I have learnt to put those steps into play before and then it gives more space for myself and the other person to know where we stand.

 

• We must grant ourselves permission. STOP saying “I wont, I shouldn't, I cant”. Instead encourage yourself. Change your script, “I will, I should and I can” Permission granted.

 

• Practice self awareness. I have to say sometimes we can either be to self aware or the opposite, I can get so caught up in the smallest of things that I then start to crumble as I am not taking a moment to asses the situation, I am hyper sensitive. Or on the flip side I can come across to self aware and be to strong or assertive. Once you find that balance between the two you know your limits and it becomes much easier to practice.

 

• The past can sometimes seem to haunt us and the present can trigger the past or potentially make the present seem daunting. Recognize things from your past when they arise. This means you are aware you are repeating history. Things will always surface from the past. That emotion is a sign you are learning. All we can do is learn. Your present is what you make it. The passed does not control you!

 

• Self care. Will you just stop! Stop and open that bottle of wine, book that massage in Solace ;). Take that walk on the beach, cook yourself a delicious meal. Self care is key to a happy mind, happy body and happy soul.

 

• Seek Support!

 
 
Boundaries are very important. Weather it be with your family, your friends, in your relationship and most of all with yourself. Just because you have allowed someone to call over uninvited or taken the time out to help someone, whatever it is learn from it, change it if you feel its becoming the norm for them and discomforting to you. Change and it protect yourself.
 
Try to take in these steps, we as humans are forever learning, evolving and growing. Boundaries are a huge part of our lives. Remember always be true to yourself.